Back to the magic of living

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Since December, when my adopted mom passed away, and even a month or two before her passing, I was experiencing some depression. Of course I’m going to be sad or experience bouts of depression during this time of mourning, but today I had a realization that is longer than a Facebook post so I thought I’d write it down here.

A few nights ago after my husband had fallen asleep on the couch and as I was waiting for my time to go play MOM taxi and pick up my 15 year old, I started flipping the channels and found Harry Potter on FreeForm. I have not watched Harry Potter since December,  even though it has been on the television a few times and Santa brought a nice new Blu ray set of all the movies. I just didn’t have it in me to watch Harry Potter. My magic had fizzled out.

Something else that I wasn’t doing or haven’t done since December was color. If you follow me on any other social media accounts or you are one of my friends on Facebook, you know that I am big into adult coloring books. It is my meditation and I love it! I’ve always loved coloring. I used to even take coloring books and crayons to high school with me and would color after exams when we would have to sit quietly in class and I wasn’t allowed to read (no books during exams rule).  I still have some of those coloring books mixed in with my other coloring book collection, and I love to flip through those and see old high school classmate’s pictures as well as my own from way back in the 80s.

Now who knows why two things I love disappeared from my usual line-up of things that I like to do, but disappear they had until this past weekend.

I have a tendency to have so much faith and hope that things will work out that when something doesn’t work out it devastates me. Case in point, I never ever gave up hope that mom would get better. Even though realistically I should have known better, I always had faith that things would get better for her and she would live through her battle with cancer. Her passing crushed my faith and hope.  Right now I’m really struggling with getting it back.

So where does Harry Potter and coloring bring me to this realization today? Harry Potter is probably my favorite series of all times, both in books and movies. The story is so deep and so much more than a lot of people think. In the big picture of what Harry Potter is, it means that love is the most magical thing on earth. The most powerful thing on earth. And with love it means that we are never separated.

While I do have a tendency to see messages in things that most people don’t, I do believe that there is a message here for me. My message is to get back to the magic of living. I can actually hear mom’s voice in my head telling me to get with it and to allow myself to feel the magic again in my everyday life. To allow myself to be happy and to have faith. Just because something that I wanted and believed would work out didn’t work out the way that I wanted it to, does not mean that it did not work out the way that God planned for it to.

It will not happen all at once, and this sadness will come and go over time to be sure, but today, I am declaring that magic is real and things do work out in the way they should. Just because my own magic feels dulled, doesn’t mean it is gone. I have to find it and let it be free to be complete and whole again.

Now I’m going to spend my free time getting reacquainted with my magical side. First up, a complete watch-thru of Harry Potter, and some coloring. 

Until next time,

Wingardium Leviosa!

Charlotte Dawn